Peyton's Blog

Before you start reading, let me just say this is not some nihilistic blog about how meaningless it all is. I’m not of the we’re-all-gonna-die-so-let’s-eat-cupcakes mentality. But, really, what’s the point of “losing weight”. Or, more specifically, what’s your point?

If you’re the average woman in your early 40s, you’ve probably spent the last 20 years or more counting calories, weighing yourself, following diet a and generally obsessing about how you look. I do not for one minute believe the incredible power of the feminine energy was designed for something as small as this.

And this isn’t just about women: In a recent study more than four in five men were anxious about their body image, and 38 percent of men said they would sacrifice at least a year of their life in exchange for a perfect body.[1] That’s very telling: Somewhere along the line, we’ve lost a sense of perspective, to the point where men say they’d die younger to look great in a Speedo.

Now, if your weight is a health issue, if it’s shortening your years or hampering your ability to enjoy your life, losing weight is a noble goal. Your body should be healthy, happy and comfortable to live in. But if your weight loss efforts are driven by a desire to look like the 20-year-old model (male or female) on the cover of the newsstand magazine, that’s another matter.

Losing weight is not your life’s work, and counting calories is not the call of your soul. You surely are destined for something much greater, much bigger, than shedding 10 pounds or tallying calories. What would happen if, instead of worrying about what you had for breakfast, you focused instead on becoming exquisitely comfortable with who you are as a person? Instead of scrutinizing yourself in the mirror, looking for every bump and bulge, you turned your gaze inward?

“How does this serve you?” or “How does this serve the world?” I think that’s a useful question to ask about losing weight. How much time, mental energy and passion are you devoting to your dreams and goals, your loftiest vision for yourself? What would happen if all of us took all that energy we devote to counting calories and chasing a number on the bathroom scale, and channeled it toward to developing personal integrity, enhancing our spiritual connections and serving the world?

None of this is to say we can’t choose to shed some excess weight. But maybe we can do it with a sense of perspective — and direct the outcome to something greater.

I preach to myself here. As a 40 *ahem something year old I have realized weight loss is not as easy as it was it my 30′s. Those 10 extra goofy pounds have grabbed a hold and set up housing. Yes, I would love to have them “move out” but I am trying to focus more energy into the important things in my life AND my husband still tells me I am the “sexiest woman alive” which makes it a whole lot easier.

I wrote this to teach myself and remind myself of these things knowing I am not alone in this so maybe it speaks to others as well…

Teenagers struggle between needing us and needing to break away.  This struggle is just as real for parents, as roles and responsibilities change for everyone during adolescence. Why is separation so difficult for parents, and how does it impact both parents and children?

We need to be needed. Our life as a parent has been about nurturing and protecting.  It is difficult to imagine the day that our children will leave our nest.  We have lovingly and selflessly provided for them all these years, and it is time for them to march into their own future.  It is less about us, and more about their transition from childhood to adulthood.

We step in to rescue our children. We are afraid they will make a mistake, or two, or three and we jump in to fix it.  Yes, sometimes they will fail and we must let it happen.  They need to experience life and consequences if they are to grow up.  We cannot do it for them.

Teenagers must gradually be allowed to take charge of their own life. Ready or not, they will soon be out on their own.  Parents have to begin the process of letting go so their teens can work on the life skills and attitudes they will need to survive and thrive.

Parents, it is time to step into your future, too. While you never stop being a parent, it is time to add new dimensions to your life.  Who were you before your children came along?  What dreams did you put on hold?  Who will you be when they leave?  Holding on too long will stunt their growth and yours.  So unclench that fist that is holding on tight to the parental reins and start to let go.  And remember, as their primary teacher, when you go after your dreams you are showing your kids how it’s done.

Letting go isn’t easy, but the benefits are priceless.  Give space so your teens can begin separating from you, and you from them.  Make it clear that you believe they are capable of doing for themselves and handling what life brings.  Show them that you have an identity and purpose beyond them, and they can move on, guilt-free.  They, and you, will step into tomorrow with excitement and self-confidence.

Herman Kucera was not always the loudest voice in a crowd but when he spoke, people listened. I did not know him well enough to speak about his life and all his accomplishments, so I would never try to, but I believe a mans greatest accomplishments can be seen in their children’s eyes and THAT, I can speak of.

I can think of but a few families tighter knit than the Kucera family. I was lucky enough to be introduced to this family six years ago. Their loyalty, commitment and honor to each other was evident in every Sunday gathering at the “Kucera Bar and Grill”, where they would not only enjoy each others company but would warmly invite almost any newcomer as if they were their own. It speaks volumes about a man who can raise three such honorable kids who admire their dad so much they successfully make the Sunday get together an absolute priority. Life gets hectic, challenges, jobs, spouses can pull your attention in different directions but on Sundays, the Kuceras WERE each others priority. As a parent, I believe our wish is for our childrens happiness. He succeeded. As a parent, I believe we hope our children will be greatly successful. He succeeded. As a parent, I believe we hope our children will be happily married to a wonderful partner. He succeed. And as a spouse, I believe we hope our spouse feels loved and admired every day of their life. He succeeded.

He was strong and tough as evidenced by the way he fought his illness but he was also very kind with a warm heart and playful smile. I know, without a doubt, that he left this world a little better than he found it. He succeeded in life and love, and that legacy will forever live on. Rest well Mr. Kucera. It was MY pleasure knowing you.

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” ~Samuel Johnson

Some people say there’s no such thing as a selfless act–that any time we do something to help another person, we get something in return, even if it’s just a warm fuzzy feeling.

I’ve spent a lot of time playing with this idea in my head. It doesn’t really bother me to know it feels good to help someone else. That, to me, is a completely acceptable type of selfishness. What gives me cause for concern are the underlying expectations we often have when we give “selflessly.”

We’ve all been there. You cover for your coworker because you know you’ll need her assistance next month. You give your sister $20, and then silently look for ways she can pay you back, even if not monetarily. You help your friend get leads for a job, and then feel angry when she isn’t as proactive in offering you support.

I’ve found that these expectations cause more stress than joy. They mar the act of giving, which makes me feel slightly guilty; they lead to disappointment if the person I helped doesn’t return the kindness; and they tie my intentions to an internal score card, which places a wedge in my relationships.

Recently I’ve been asking myself, “What is my expectation?” before I do something for another person. The answer I find most acceptable—cheesy as it may sound—is: to feel good and show love. Strangely, when I release the need to control what I get for giving, I get enough, somehow.

I’ve made a list of 20 things you can do to show you care, without needing the recipient to return the kindness—20 ways giving is its own reward. Maybe some of these will resonate with you. Or perhaps you’ll want to write your own list to spur the spirit of giving without expectations. (Although I’ve written you, these are things I try to do.)

1. Give money you can spare to someone who needs it and then pretend you never had it.

2. Let someone tell a story without feeling the need to one-up them or tell your own.

3. Let someone vent, even if you can’t offer a solution, just to be an ear–without considering how well they listened to you last week.

4. Help someone who is struggling with difficult feelings by admitting you’ve felt the same thing–without considering whether they’d be as open with you.

5. Ask, “What can I do to help you today?” Then let it go after following through.

6. Tell someone how you feel about them, even if it makes you feel vulnerable, just to let them know they’re loved and not alone.

7. Apologize when you’ve acted selfishly, even if you don’t like feeling wrong, because it will remind the other person they deserve to be treated with respect.

8. Let someone else educate you, even if you’re tempted to stay closed minded, because you value their knowledge and appreciate their willingness to share it.

9. Forgive someone who wronged you because you have compassion for them, not because you know they’ll owe you.

10. Hold someone’s hand when they feel vulnerable to let them know you haven’t judged them.

11. Give your full attention to the person in front of you when you’re tempted to let your thoughts wander just to show them their words are valuable.

12. Assume the best when you’re tempted to suspect someone for no valid reason—even if they haven’t always given you the benefit of the doubt.

13. Accompany someone to an appointment or drive them to an interview when they need support just to help them feel strong.

14. Change your plans for someone you love if yours weren’t too important without questioning whether they’d do the same for you.

15. Teach someone how to do something without taking a superior position because they’ve likely taught you many things, whether they were obvious or not.

16. Leave a thoughtful comment on someone’s blog, not to build your readership but rather to show them how they affected you.

17. Tell someone you believe in their potential, even if they haven’t always shown you the same support.

18. Say no when it would make you feel good to say yes, because sometimes being kind means pushing someone to step up and try harder.

19. Tell someone you know they meant well instead of using their mistake as an opportunity to manipulate their guilt.

20. I’ve left this one open for you to write–how do you give just to show you care?

Let’s face it: none of us is always kind. Human nature dictates we’ll act with one eye on what’s in it for us, at least occasionally. And I think that’s OK, as long as we make an effort whenever possible to do good for the sake of it.

Releasing expectations doesn’t mean you give other people permission to treat you thoughtlessly. It just means you check in with your motivations and give because you want to; and then ask for things directly when you want them. People who care about you will be there for you in return.

Wait.

It’s Monday.

Oh well.

It’s Wednesday somewhere. Or it will be. Next week.

SHOES.

To be specific… FABULOUS SHOES.

I saw a woman in Austin recently… who happened to be wearing a most fabulous pair of shoes. Kinda like these…

This woman told me her shoe philosophy,

Start with the shoes and work your way up.

I love her.

Isn’t it amazing what fabulous shoes do to a girl? I wanted to be that woman’s best friend. I wanted to sit by that woman and make her laugh… I wanted her to like me. I wanted to chop off her legs and steal her shoes. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer…

Wait.

In defense of myself, in case you are judging me for my shoe-lust or blatant materialism… I am no Imelda Marcos, but mostly due to financial reasons… not because I am above or necessarily opposed to such things.

My signature shoe:

I’m a real “shoe horse”  *snicker

Just kidding…my normal daily shoe is this…

Remember, I live in South Texas. We wear flip flops all year round!!

Except when I go grocery shopping. Then I wear these…

                                                                                                                                               *kidding*

And don’t forget about boots…

Shoes…

• I have a shoe board that needs some development on pintrest…
• I am cukoo for these Christian Louboutins…
• I own THESE, but I also walk like I’ve been hit by a truck after wearing them for about 17 minutes. *Sidebar… are sexy shoes sexy if while wearing they make one look like one is walking with one foot on the curb and the other off?
• And just now, I spent 20 minutes on endless… looking at THEIR shoes. Like crack. For the eyes. And also the wallet.

I think crack addicts and shoe addicts have a lot in common… the whole “addiction” thing, and also both addictions can be pretty spendy.

You know what? If I hit rock bottom, I think it’d be better to get there because of shoes than because of crack… Besides, a shoe addict looks WAY cuter than a crack addict.

You’re nodding…

BECAUSE IT’S TRUE.

So tell me, if you hit rock bottom due to fashion, what would it be for you? Shoes? Scarves? Necklaces? Flower pins? ETSY???

I was driving home from a grocery store run. I was stopped at a light. Two cars on a side street were waiting to merge into my lane. Wanting to be a nice gal, I waved at the driver of the first car, giving him the go-ahead to pull in front of me.

As he’s doing this, I’m thinking, “Okay, I did my social duty. I let one car in. Now it’s my turn. The next guy has to let the next person in. After all, fair is fair. The protocol for kindness in this circumstance, the agreed upon social convention is you let one car in and then you get to go. No harm, no foul.”

So, why was I feeling uncomfortable? Because I know that the path to my joy, my inner peace, and my prosperity is a path of generosity and compassion without judgment, evaluation, or conditions of any kind. I know that I have a choice now to be even kinder than I had just been, and that it’s really not in my best interests to resist that choice.

“Wouldn’t it be nice,” I told myself, “to just let the second car in also, right now, no fuss, no bother, will cost me a whole extra 5 seconds of my life, it would make things easier for the stranger in the other car, why not do it, what’s the big deal?”

I decided to let this second car into the lane in front of me. She smiled and thanked me, which felt really good, but that was the icing on the cake. I was feeling pretty good the moment I made the decision to put my ego away and just be kinder and more generous.

Certainly, there is no right or wrong in terms of how many cars we let into our lane. It’s not right or wrong to let no cars in. Legally, we have the right of way. The issue is, how do our decisions, our choices, make us feel about ourselves?

My decision to let the second car in made me feel great. I felt it represented progress in my releasing my ego’s resistance to being more caring, more sharing, more loving, more accepting and more forgiving. I felt it also represented progress in my role modeling behaviors reflecting greater courtesy and cooperation, which, if adopted by others, will strengthen the fabric of society.

Strengthening the fabric of society is nice but the main point is that by choosing to be kinder, more generous, more gracious and more respectful of others, above and beyond the standards we have set for ourselves, we will discover our world changing before our eyes, becoming more joyous and fragrant.

**Love**Be Loved**Inspire**Be Inspired**Give**Be You**Dance**Love some more**