Peyton's Blog

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After all, even in our online world, some things (to some of us) are private. Very private. Like relationships. Like not blurting to the world about another person’s life – or your own – without thinking first. And then – realizing you are speaking on a permanent. global. forum. Don’t air your dirty laundry online! Or your brand spanking new clean laundry for that matter!

Why?

Internet common sense

Am I trying to take the “social” out of “social media?” Of course not. But consider this:

• When you’ve met someone new, and you’re excited, voice it!  But not with so many specifics that if it doesn’t pan out (become the relationship you desire), you’re embarrassed. And so is the other party.
• Don’t use your Facebook relationship status as a flag of sexual availability, flicking it on and off like the turn signal in your car. Single, in a relationship, single, in a relationship. It’s cruel, it’s silly, and it reflects poorly on you.
• Be an adult. Change your relationship status (if you feel you must) when you are certain of it, and when you have spoken to the other person first.
• Yes – I used the “A” word. Adult. If you have a beef with someone, must you really put the specifics online for all to see? Your tiffs, your making up, your bitterness, you interpertation.
• When there’s a break up, a family fight or a personal situation, must there be name-calling on Facebook, in a blog, in a series of tweets, in Friending and de-Friending and unending back-and-forth that is (or should be) embarrassing for both of you? And your real friends and family?

Discretion is the better part of valor

Am I proposing that you not freely discuss relationships in your own writing, in a way that helps you sort them out, sharing happiness, allowing others to learn from your experience, or simply enjoy vicariously? Not at all.

I am saying you should consider retaining enough details to protect your privacy. Intimate details that can be read by family members – yours and the other party’s – including children,  “friends of friends” in our social media circus-universe, not to mention your co-workers, your next employer, and potentially, your next date or lover. What do you think their attitude would be if they see their predecessor skewered online?

Recall the expression “discretion is the better part of valor?” Speak as you wish, but what’s put on the Internet cannot be taken back. Ever. Perhaps use humor, metaphors, or appropriate details with your audience in mind – in other words, a bit of discretion. You are publicly broadcasting your life – and another’s as you see it. It may come back to bite you, so do so in a way that serves to explore, to praise, to inform, to motivate, to educate, to question – and yes – to entertain readers or followers and gather input if you need it. But mudslinging on the Internet? Hell – our reality TV stars have done it in spades! I think it’s embarrassing, and beneath them. I think it’s High School. And certainly not the better part of valor. Then again, one must know the meaning of valor to exercise it.

The emperor has no clothes

Sadly, just as people talk over cocktails, or in the locker room, people “talk” over the Internet. Barbs are hurled back and forth through blogs and tweets and Facebook walls. When feelings are involved – hurt feelings – when Jane says John did X, then John says Jane did Y, the whole thing can escalate into a nasty battle that doesn’t belong on the public airwaves. I don’t like it when it’s Jon and Kate Gosselin. I don’t like it from Reality TV stars in their blogs. I don’t respect it, especially if I’ve come to care about Jane, John or any person.

One of the pleasures of this global communication arena is the opportunity to befriend interesting people anywhere. But use discretion. Remember that the world is looking over your shoulder. And if you aren’t judicious in what you say, you may regret it. Not because you did anything “wrong” – but you may inadvertently hurt someone, or be hurt yourself. Just think about it. We feel something, process it, deal with it and move on. The internet does not. It stays there. People remember it and you may have come to regret saying it but it can no longer be taken back.